(will) FACEBOOK( /ed/ing) !!!! – Part 2

This is an extension of Part 1 of (Will)FACEBOOK (/ed/ing)!!!
This write-up is a satirical take on FB snobbery.  If the satire is not evident, then you belong to the league of those I’m trying to satirize:-P
A guide on “How to use facebook to increase your page/ video views”

To guarantee a 100% success, you must practice the following as a precursor:
·         Wield the “Like button” charitably-IMPORTANT
·         Use only positive superlatives in the comments :
Examples include
a.      Awwh!! Sooper !!
b.      You are fabulous!! I’m a big fan of yours!(Now, it really doesn’t matter if you feel that the write-up/ video is a mediocre piece. You just need to do this. This might guarantee a similar response from the recipient when it’s your turn)
c.       Share the video/write-up –OPTIONAL
d.      Put a like for comments (besides that for posts) if you have nothing intelligent to say-OPTIONAL, again
Now, if you’ve done the first one (@least), you are ready to read the rest of this guide.

Scene 1:
(You have written a post on your blog / you have taped a dance, song or a speech of yours in video or audio format and uploaded the same on you-tube)
Action course 1:
If you are one of the confident types / have a vast experience in the field of “liking”, your status on FB might look something like this:
Hey Guys!! This is my video on *blah blah blah*. Please check it out.
Now, I quite have nothing against statements of this ilk; quite innocuous and with a touch of simplicity for FB standards. We shall move on to the next category without post-mortem-ing this one.
Action course 2.1:
You want publicity, but, you are not sure if the “like” vending machine might be generous to you.
Hence, you put up a status which guarantees likes and reads:
@A,@b,@C,—@X  Guys! Check out my post/video!! *blah blah blah*

And in the comments, you mention a few other names:
@alpha, @beta, @gamma
Now, the alpha, beta and gamma wonder as to why they have been mentioned in comment and not in the post and imagine if this has been done outta prioritizing friends.
{The ones left out wonder if the post is meant only for those tagged. They click on the link nevertheless if they are jobless and help increase the number of views- it’s a different story whether they read/ watch the post / video or not…}
Now, what really matters is the publicity. It is good when it is done for the first time. People are intrigued by a post which a friend/acquaintance posts; even better if the post is titled on romantic lines.
                This post appears in the newsfeed for a day or two on account of the likes and comments that friends might put. But, if you are one of the “un-satisfied” kind, you might want to resort to the “prolonged newsfeed” technique and reply to blog comments (say) on the FB comments section. To elucidate, let’s assume, a friend has commented on a blog. A normal reaction would be to reply to the blog comment on the blog, but, you put up a comment on fb, out of the blue which reads
@A: thank you for the wonderful comment on the blog/(video) ❤ ❤

Now, there’ll be some who get the notification. Intrigued by the comment, they’ll visit the blog to check it out.  (Note: this process increases the no. of page views). Some others who missed the post on newsfeed due to inactivity on FB on that day will get it afresh in their timeline and click on the link.
Meanwhile, you’ll capture the no. of page views:: It’ll read ******.
Wow!! You’ve just hit upon other ways to publicize the blog/ Video!!
You login to FB and fervently type:
Yay!! 16,999 hits to my blog: http://www.I’mABlahger.com .. Thanks Guys for visiting my blog. ❤ ❤

Some others who missed your initial publicity will see this one due to the odds for their noticing the same. Those who are not too familiar with the futility of page-views v/s the content of the blog will “like” the status considering it to be an achievement. #Whatay
There is yet another version of people belonging to this kind: the ones who post a video, along with its flaws on FB and insult the “likers” by stating that the post/video is not up-to the mark. Insult, because the comment appears after the post gets a 100+ likes. It would read something like:
“Guys, you know? This is not perfect. There are some flaws”

Of course, the author is looking for comment following this, which might read:
Hey! It was gr8… flaws??? They didn’t seem evident J

and the ilk.
We all know that the author is, but employing the age-old psychological technique of self-assurance through negative assessment of self, but, what if you belong to the audience which considers its judgment debased on lines of the comment by author?!
And let’s assume that you took the author’s comment seriously and pointed it out with a statement like:
The tune went a lil awry towards the end, but, ‘was otherwise ok..

Or, something like:
The post is a lil too judgemental. I might want to differ in my stance on this.

You know what’ll happen next time ….
You’ll not be tagged in the post!!!!
Well, many times, people who post their works on FB fish for compliments and you are expected to be generous with your blandishments each time they post a write-up.
I’ve never witnessed constructive criticism on posts by friends. There are the forums, of course where criticism is as fair as the praises are, but, on a friend’s post, you know what to do: just the flowers sans the thorns.
Moral of the story
I’m simply going to re-iterate what I mentioned in the introduction. If you have religiously followed the practices mentioned in the beginning of this write-up, you are already half way through the success ladder. You simply need to do them with a little bit more of expertise.
{If you were wondering what I was trying to convey through the rest of the post if the intro was the crux, then lemme tell you, I was trying to beguile my hours highlighting the points for better clarity. That’s it…}
So, you know what to do if you consider the prospect of publicizing on FB :
·         Go Like!
·         Be Magnanimous with your praises- who says you have to mean what you say?
·         If you are one of the conscientious kind with no inclination to feign praises, then at least refrain from criticizing those who post
Post-notes from the author:
Well, to be fair, it’s best not to be judgmental about things put up on social networking sites like FB. In fact, things which have been so-called satirized in this post are the very ones which serve the purpose of our existence on such sites. But, sometimes, you just can’t stop yourself from passing cynical comments on the very attitude on FB. I don’t expect a majority to concur on my thoughts, but, I know that there are some who would.
Sometimes, the generosity with likes could be justified by quoting “encouragement” for a reason. Touché! But, I guess that it has to stop at an extent. It’s futile to encourage noise when talent lies in silence…..

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