INTENTIONS: A Series of Seriocomiker’s Confabulations

*****

Disclaimer

Conversations and certain names (used in this write-up) are concocted.

Any resemblance of the characters to reality is, however, intentional.

The author has picked “some” personalities to merely bring out a certain flaw in the Indian system .

It is not out of adulation for the characters

*****

Serio got the opportunity to chat with invite the “Baron of Indian Media”- The one and only QArnab Noswami to the “We chat” group… Here’s an exclusive excerpt:

Serio: Hello QArnab. I’m Serio and am a big fan of yours. Thank you for…

< QArnab cuts short Serio>

QArnab : So Serio… I have a question for you.

Tell me, why is your name Serio?

Serio: Oh? Mom liked the name a lot and so…

QArnab : So, your mom liked the name, but your dad didn’t.

Serio: No no..

QArnab : <continuing as if nothing was said>

In my opinion, this is the biggest offence to your dad… How could you be named without your dad liking it?

Preposterous, I say!!! Your dad deserves an apology…

Serio: But sir…

QArnab : But? You say a “But” after denying that man his fair share in naming you?

Serio, the nation is awaiting your reply!

Serio: But, sir, isn’t this a private chat?

QArnab :

<Adds his a media representative to the chat>

I want this conversation published in the media tomorrow. Let the headlines read “Man denied his rights by his son”…

Media Rep: Should I add some pictures like that of a man sitting in sorrow with his head bent low; add some surveys on “Injustice to men” and include how the society has turned against men in the recent years, QArnab ?

<QArnab has signed off by now>

Serio: Hey media guy!

Media Rep: Yes

Serio: Here’s a smiley for you:

<Serio signs off before letting further damage occur>

*****

With the help of some highly placed contacts, “Seriocomiker” was able to add Fundia’s esteemed Prime Minister, the enigmatic “Dr.FunLohan Kingh” to the “We Chat” group. Here’s an excerpt from their conversation…

<However, as much as Serio tried to make this conversation different, it ended up being quite similar to most of the PM’s other conversations :-)>

Serio: Namaste, Prime Minister

PM: Namaste

Serio: “Dhanyawaad” (thank you) for taking time off from your busy schedule and chatting. It means a lot to me.

PM:

Serio: Okay, my first question to you is: “What do you think is the biggest achievement of your government?”

<<A few minutes tick…The PM adds Zapil Zibal. Serio gets notified about the new entrant into the conversation >>

Serio: Thank you for joining us, Zapil ji…

Zapil: Ok Ok.. I see that you want to know about the govt.’s achievements.

Serio: Yes ji.

Zapil: Listen beta, the answer is “zero”.

Serio:

Zapil:

No service” is the “best service” that we, as a Govt. can offer to our people…Samje (got it?) ?!?

<<To the PM>>

Sirji, I’ve answered. I’ll leave now. Important meeting…

Serio: Ahem…Zapil ji’s insights were very useful.

Now, PM sir, may I ask you another question?

PM:

Serio: I assume that’s a yes…

So sir, do you think your government will come back to power in the next elections?

PM:

Serio: Er…Sir, I’m not sure if I got your message correctly. Could you please type it again?

PM:

Serio:

<<After waiting for an answer for 15 Min in vain>>

Sir, I guess you are caught with work, now.

I will ping you later.

Have a good evening sir J

PM: Theek hai. (okay)

<<PM goes offline>>

 *****

Serio needs help. He has lost his lucky pen and his exams are nearing… He decides to take the help of “Sherlock Holmes” to solve the mystery for him.

Serio: Hi Sherlock.

Sherlock: Hi

Serio: How’s work? You busy?

Sherlock: “My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work. The sooner, the better.”

Serio: Great! I’ve got a case for you. I’ve lost my lucky pen. Can you help me find it? J

Sherlock: When was the last time that you used the pen?

Serio: At college. Yesterday.

Sherlock: When did you come back home?

Serio: At around 9:00 PM

Sherlock: “We Chat” the pick of your shoes and coat to me

Serio:

Sherlock: Hmm….

The muddy portions of your shoe reveal that it rained yesterday and you stepped into a puddle. The mud patterns further reveal that you shook your leg rather violently while taking it off the puddle.

Your coat reveals crumpled marks near the pocket: an indication that the pen was placed in the coat pocket. Further analysis of the coat near the arm makes it quite clear to me that the movements at the arm level pushed the pen out of your pocket while you were freeing yourself.

The mud marks on your shoe are wet still, which is possible only if it had happened at around 9:00 PM- the time that you came back.

Clearly, the pen that you lost must be in the puddle in front of your house and in good condition if no vehicle has run over it…

Serio: Clearly mesmerized by Sherlock’s abilities.

<Runs to the front-yard and looks near the puddle… Lo Behold!!! The pen!!!>

Serio: Thank you, Sherlock

Sherlock: Case closed

*****

Gandhiji lives in our hearts, long after he is gone from this world. Serio had the privilege to “we-chat” with this great man by using his “Time Machine”. Here’s an exclusive excerpt from their conversation:

Serio: Namaste, Bapu

Gandhiji: Namaste Beta.

Serio: I feel extremely honored to talk to you, Bapu.

Gandhiji : <smiles> I’m a simple man.

Serio: You had a vision for our nation, but today, the nation is far from what you had envisioned.

Gandhiji: Yes beta, sadly. I have been following the developments too.

Serio: What do you think we can do to correct the situation, Bapu?

Gandhiji: My ideology as always been that of “Truth and Non-violence”.

Serio: But…

Gandhiji: Yes. I know. There is neither truth nor non-violence in the political scenario today. When I was there to lead the people of India, the only gate that we knew of was the “Exit Gate” for the British. Today, India is mired in a flood of “Xgates”.

I’m extremely saddened by the state of affairs, son. To top it all, people using my name are sullying it the most L

I’m just glad that I did not live to “experience” these things.

Serio: What can I do to change the scenario, Bapu <solemnly>

Gandhiji: Son, “Be the change that you wish to see in this world”. The rest will follow.

Serio: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, Bapu.

I will surely live up to your name and safeguard legacy of India…

Gandhiji: May the blessings of Lord Ram be with you J

*****

5-28-2013 4-20-55 PM

Last, but not the least, Serio also pulled in Chetan Bhagat, to the we-chat group. Chetan was busy shooting for the next Shaadi.com ad when Serio caught up with him.

Serio: Hello Chetan.

Chetan: Hi dude

Serio: Let me get straight to the point, Chetan. What next?

Chetan: I’m currently writing my next book.

Serio: Wow! That’s great!

What can we expect from the book?

Chetan: Well, it’s the story of a young, good looking man who loves a girl. He studies hard and makes it to the IIT; meets another girl who stands up to his intellectual levels.

He breaks up with his childhood sweetheart and dates this new girl.

Life takes a turn for him when he gets into the IIM. He losses touch with the girl from IIT as she goes to the USA for her MS.

In IIM, he meets his professor’s daughter and falls in love with her. They date for a while and the girl breaks up with him. So, in desperation, he goes back to his childhood sweetheart and begs to be taken again.

But, she has grown to become a successful businesswoman.

What happens to the hero?

That’ll be the suspense of the novel….

Serio: Wow! That’s like a very very “different” story, Mr Bhagat … I’m sure I’ll want to read it…

Chetan: Sure… And oh! The protagonist’s name is “Raj” and the childhood sweetheart will be described as looking like my niece.

Serio: Will you be selling the rights to make it into a movie?

Chetan: Oh? Director X has already bought the rights… Bollywood loves my books, after all J

Serio: That’s great Mr.Chetan. It was great talking to you. Thank you for making time for this chat..

Chetan: No problem, dude…

*****

Epilogue:

What’s the reason for having chosen these 5 people of the many notable names? Nothing, but an intention to bring out certain aspects about the state of affairs in our country, subtly. 🙂

The only exception to this intention is the part on “Sherlock Holmes”; a man with an exceptional deducing abilities.

I’ve always enjoyed reading his cases . Of course, the deductions mentioned in the write up are far inferior to his capabilities, but, the purpose was to express my desire to chat with a great man like him.

P.S:

This post has been written for the “We Chat” and Indiblogger contest.

Image Courtesy:

Socialism.in; cartoonacademy.blogspot.in; istockphoto;imagekind.com;churumuri.wordpress.com


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